WHY U NO MAEK SENSE?! (Beauty and the Beast)

Welcome one and all, to Professor Zerglot’s Confusatorium. Here is where I barricade myself when I encounter something that simply makes no sense whatsoever, until I’m reduced to nothing more than a babbling, befuddled mess on the floor. But in my Confusatorium, I do my best sort through these perplexing predicaments. Tonight we’ll take a look at the Disney hit movie, Beauty and the Beast.

Let me start off by saying that I love children’s movies. Action movies are nice, and everyone loves a good comedy, but when it comes down to the wire, Disney and Pixar are where I turn to when I need a fantastic film. The morals are dried, and tired and you always know exactly where the movie is headed even before the directors knew, but that doesn’t stop them from being engaging and immensely entertaining. My absolute obsession with magic and fantasy may to be blame, but I have never stopped loving children’s movies, and Beauty and the Beast is no exception.

Now, almost all of these are filled with acceptable impossibilities. With Toy Story there were talking toys, The Lion King had talking animals, and Beauty and the Beast had talking household appliances. However, regardless of how impossible these situations are, they are still governed by many rules that help ground them to reality. While the toys could talk, being stepped on still crushed them to pieces. While the animals could talk, they still ate one another to survive. While the dinnerware could talk, it was easily explained away by the spell of a enchantress. A child won’t argue with magic, and neither will I. If they say this movie takes place in a reality where magic exists, then I’ll take their word for it, and enjoy the ride.

However, I had just recently watched this magnificent movie again and had a conversation with my girlfriend about it that got me to thinking. There were a few things about this enchantress’ magic spell that just didn’t add up.In case you aren’t familiar with the film, or just need a reminder, the Beast was originally an arrogant prince who turned away a haggard looking woman from his castle, who had attempted to exchange a beautiful rose for a place to stay for the night. Disregarding her warning that all things were not what they appeared, he cast her away. She revealed herself as a beautiful and powerful enchantress, and despite his many apologies, cast a terrible curse upon his entire castle. The prince was turned into a beastly creature, while all off the servants inside were transformed in common household objects such as candles, clocks, and teapots. This is what we were told anyways, and for years I took them at their word, until I noticed something peculiar.

Almost every object in the castle is animated at one point, and not just the obvious ones like the stove, chairs, and dressers. While the more popular characters were anthropomorphic, we are shown plates and forks dancing and singing, though they have no discernable human characteristics, such as eyes or a mouth. Hundreds upon hundreds of objects are shown moving under their own will, seemingly innocent servants caught by the spell. However, we were told that the servants were transformed into these objects. If that’s true, and if every object in the castle is seemingly an enchanted servant…where is all the regular furniture? During the entire film we see a curtain here or there that doesn’t talk, but for the most part everything in the entire castle is enchanted. So where did the Beast put all of his REGULAR furniture and appliances? During a scene in the kitchen we see the stove dance and prance as he prepares the meal…but there is no regular stove there nearby, forgotten and unused. Perhaps the prince had just moved into the castle and hadn’t gotten around to furnishing it before the enchantress showed up? Or maybe he got tired of all the clutter and after years of losing hope that he and his servants would ever break the spell, threw all of his belongings out into the yard? Either one is possible, but it seems more likely that we were misinformed as to the exact nature of the enchantress’ spell. Instead of transforming the servants into objects, it makes more sense to assume that the souls of the servants were transferred into the objects.

The second thing that bothered me may not seem to be a big deal, but it still confuses me. The most dramatic part of the film is when the Beast falls down, near death after being stabbed by Gaston, and Belle runs to his side. As the Beast passes away, Belle whispers that she loves him, and the last petal from the magic rose falls.Now, one of two things should have happened. The curse was very straightforward, the Beast had until the last rose petal fell to find someone to love him for whom he was, or he would be stuck forever as a beast. There is a very consistent rule with all magic in the Disney universe, and with magic in nearly every fantasy tale; you cannot break the rules. If the curse says something must be done, you have to follow it to the letter, and the curse will react accordingly. No leeway, no fudging. So as soon as Belle said she loved him, the Beast should have transformed, and as soon as that last rose petal fell, the Beast should have been stuck in his animal form for the rest of his days. Instead, Belle said she loved him, the Beast DIDN’T transform, then the rose petal fell, and the Beast DID transform. In about ten seconds time the movie broke two conditions of the curse, after building up to it the entire film. I know they were just trying to build suspense, but there were other ways they could have done this. They could have let the petal start to fall right as Belle whispered the magic words. That way all of the children could watch in terror as the petal wilted, drifting slowly through the air and then BAM! Instant handsome prince right before it touches the ground.

Magic is magic, people. You can’t mess around with it. It grants you the power to create fantastic films with new and exciting premises, but you cannot just throw it into a story and then ignore the rules. You can’t break them as you see fit just to make the movie more dramatic, it’s lazy. There are plenty of ways to add suspense without cheating. All of which brings me to my final question.

WHY U NO MAEK SENSE, DISNEY?!